Interchange Adventures

The guys at stgeorgest.tumblr.com decided to briefly interrupt me at work for this spontaneous photography session. Thus I believe that they deserve a reference from me. Aeow.

John Cusack, man. I love that guy. I’d been meaning to see “The Raven” for a while, and I finally decided that the first weekend of June would be the perfect time. When I finally looked at the movie schedules, I discovered that it wasn’t playing in any theatre in Toronto. The only theatre in the area was up at the Interchange. That whole York area. I know. I know. Gross. But it was a journey that just felt destined. Also. Kernels has the best popcorn. I do not buy popcorn from any other place. Thus I made time for a stop at the Eaton Centre. Unfortunately, I didn’t realise that the shooting that took place within it on Saturday would prevent me from buying popcorn on Sunday. Then I rushed up to Bayview and York Mills to buy popcorn from that location. Then I realised that I didn’t know how to get to Downsview, which is apparently where York buses are found. I got there eventually, though. I even got to the theatre with five spare minutes. Man. Edgar Allen Poe on detective adventures. Good times.

Also. I just moved my internet box to my new place on Monday. My computer remembered it. I didn’t know that it worked like that. That’s awesome!

Last thing. Some guy came up to me at work. His voice wasn’t very clear, but I’m pretty sure that he said, “You look like Steven Tyler. You know. From ‘American Idol’.” I can’t really argue with the comparison, but I was bemused by the way in which he qualified it. 

Update on Sunday, June 10, 2012 at 11:49PM by Jaymes Buckman

Bonus Question!

Best raven? Darkholme.

Good Mites

Sometimes I think that a spider mite is a mite that has gained all the powers of a spider by the bite of a mutated spider.

Then I remember the relative sizes of the creatures.

Then I think that such a bite would probably just give the mite all the powers of a spider's lunch.

Update on Sunday, May 27, 2012 at 11:26AM by Jaymes Buckman

Bonus Question!

Best bug bite? The radioactive kind.

I Get to Wear Feathers at Work Tomorrow!

This might be somewhat surprising, but I don't go to job interviews in feathers and shiny leggings. I did at one point, but then I realised that it was a hindrance in the majority of cases. After this epiphany, I began to wear gold jeans instead. You know. I wanted to look like a normal person.

I've been trying to hide my nature from my current employer. I take the feather cloak off on the subway and put it in a bag. I wear my leggings under my gold jeans. After work, I often go up to the Pizza Pizza on the next block to change. When I go back down that street, I walk on the other side. 

Today my boss told me that he thought that it might be interesting for me to do my job in a tuxedo. For the contrast!

"Actually, I do try to dress down when I come to work."

"Oh? What do you mean?"

"When I'm on my own time, I'm generally more flamboyant."

"Oh. Yeah. I kind of assumed."

Perhaps I am not so skilled in the maintenance of such illusions. 

Anyway! Then he said that he didn't care about things that have no negative effect on business. Which . . .

Thank you!

You remember what happened at that newspaper internship. Why do I have to wear pants in the mailroom? Who cares? What goes on in your business deals? 

"Well. We like everything you do here, but we're not signing any contract with a company that has shiny people in the mailroom."

"What?"

"Your man. He wears leggings."

"Oh. No. We fixed that. He wears white jeans now."

"Oh. Well. That's fine then."

Man. Who wants to have to worry about belts at work? Am I right? No disrespect to belt makers. But belts aren't in my job description, man! I know what I do. I take naps instead of lunch. What's wrong with that? The other people in the office were just playing video games. I was doing something useful! I obviously don't sleep when there's work to be done. In fairness, I've fixed that anyway. I don't limit myself to two hours of sleep per night anymore. I really had no way to know that I'd need to go to bed earlier for a job that began in the morning. 

Apart from that stuff, I still liked that job in some ways. I'd definitely be willing to do that kind of work again.

But my current job will allow me to wear feathers tomorrow!

Update on Friday, May 18, 2012 at 05:20PM by Jaymes Buckman

Bonus Question!

Best dress code? Freedom!

Commode Commotion

 
Apparently the upper floor of Pizza Pizza is actually a time warp to the Nineties.

I’m quite fond of androgyny. I possess a measure of it, and it rarely causes problems. I wouldn’t notice them anyway. However, I finally experienced a minor inconvenience from it today. I walked into Pizza Pizza to use the washroom. There was a guy in a dusty grey suit with a dirty ponytail. In an apparent state of slight pique, he paced with his pizza in front of the door to the men’s room. I can be forgiven for assuming that he was waiting for his turn on the toilet. He even looked at me and said, “Sorry. Someone’s in there. Just wait a bit.” This seemed to confirm things. I stood behind him to await my turn. After a few minutes of waiting, he banged on the door to the women’s room and shouted, “Hurry up! Someone’s waiting!” Apparently it was his wife?

A suspicion occurred to me.
I tried the door to the men’s room.
It was vacant.

I wasted several minutes of my life because the guy thought that I was waiting to use the women’s washroom.

But I think that I was listening to Curtis Mayfield during those minutes. I’m willing to believe that time spent with Curtis Mayfield can never truly be wasted. 

Update on Monday, May 14, 2012 at 01:27AM by Jaymes Buckman

Bonus Question!

Best fly? Superfly!

Double Double

I just got back from Europe. Fairly good times? Alright. I didn't really have consistent access to a stable internet connection, though. That last thing? I did that from my phone. I don't expect that to excuse anything, but it should provide some insight at least. It probably doesn't, though. 

However, I believe that this allows this week's post to be less focused than the standard. No? Alright. I'm going with it anyway.

I'm not fond of airports. I know that this isn't a particularly unique position. My father always said, "Don't sweat the small stuff." That doesn't work for me. I generally allow the small stuff to get to me. Then I can face all the big things with a relatively clear head. 

Unfortunately, airports fall under the category of small things. 

I know why they do these things. Security. Fine. I know that people have their motivations for doing things. Fear is one of them. It's not a great one, but I understand it. I don't agree with it, but it makes sense on its own terms. Everyone has to go through security? Yeah. No one slips by. But then people complained about the privacy issues of children. I'll try to ignore the fact that children are the least private people of all time. I invented a game with my friends when I was a child. Do you know what it was called? The Naked Game. I just don't know what could convince the paranoid security heads to exempt children from some of these measures. They're motivated by fear! If they bend on one rule, the rest become essentially useless. By their logic. They're guarding against bad people, but they let children through. Wait. Do we know anyone who uses children for vile acts? Yes! They're the bad people!

It's not even jealousy. It might be easy to be jealous of these little people who don't have to go through all of this business to board a tin sausage, but it's not. Promise. I just feel that it weakens the motivation behind the whole thing. The people who put these measures in place base their decisions around absolutes. I don't like them, but I can understand their process. My sentiments are definitely not strong enough to resemble respect, but these people definitely seem to be worthy of their own insanity. This sort of random, ridiculous softness takes away from that. At one time, they could be strong, compelling villains to fill the thoughts of fatigued travellers while mottled, amorphous figures in short-sleeved dress shirts endeavoured to scour stray scraps of dignity from languid bodies.

Now? 

Really. No one wants to see a Bond film that features a bad guy who only wants to take over half of the world.

I just got back to the city, and the most vivid victory of the day would probably be my acquisition of a small iced cappuccino with chocolate milk instead of cream from Tim Hortons. It reminded me of something, though. A missed opportunity. Don't worry. It wasn't mine. I don't really do that thing anymore. The thing of missed opportunities. 

No. This one falls clearly on the padded shoulders of the one name that gives me any fragile splinter of Canadian pride. That guy with the coffee. 

Recently, Tim Hortons changed their coffee sizes. I only drink their small iced cappuccinos with chocolate milk instead of cream. Thus I am entirely unaffected by this. Anyway. They added a fifth size at the right end and moved each size name to the left. The old medium size is now the small one. But the old small size is now called "extra small". Seriously? I don't see the fun. They should have kept the same names for everything. The name of the new size should have been filled with unrestrained wildness. I don't even want to give examples. This might sound surprising, but I'm not thoroughly found of crying over lost chances at greatness. This? This coffee thing? They had a chance at greatness. You know what could have been. You remember the great names. You were there for the Nineties. 

Maybe I will order a coffee in the new size. Two lumps of sugar. Two spoons of tears.

Update on Monday, May 7, 2012 at 12:54AM by Jaymes Buckman

Bonus Question!

Best iced cappuccino? Small iced cappuccino with chocolate milk instead of cream from Tim Hortons.