Kitchen Matters

I’ve been seeing these pictures on the trains. Obviously, I think that people’s eating habits are their own business. What they do in the privacy of their own kitchens should be their decision. Beyond that, I just take issue with their argument. “Why love one but eat the other?” People eat cats, guy! You’re basically saying, “Hey! Why not eat the other?” That’s only one result of this disgustingly fallacious advertising campaign. Do you know what happens when you go and start equating random animals with each other? Cats and chickens. Really? Soon people are going to be making violins from baby chickens. Nice job, my man. There’s another one with dogs and cows. I can only assume that the vegans want more people to be like Cruella de Vil.

I’m also unable to avoid noticing the lack of diversity in these campaigns. Have these people even been to lobster restaurants? They complain about the cruel conditions of cows in distant bunkers. Cows are cramped? These lobsters climb and crawl over each other until the customers who eat beside their tanks pick their favourite for dinner. I don’t care about the favourites. I don’t eat lobster. It’s a lot of work for a very small amount of satisfaction. You get a few morsels of tiny meat over 40 minutes of dissection. Bad value in my opinion. I ignore most citrus fruits for the same reason. Blood oranges are the exception. They are good. Good. But I can only find them for a couple of months in a year. Anyway. My point. I don’t care for the customers’ favourites, but I like the little guys that get to the top of the pile. I salute them when I can. It’s not even particularly vicious. The guys below them don’t really seem to mind. It’s just the accepted organisation. There’s a mutual respect.

Update on Sunday, March 25, 2012 at 02:06AM by Jaymes Buckman

Bonus Question! 

Best lobster? Sebastian.

Moon Base!

Apparently the easiest thing to do in politics is an accusation of insanity. Whenever one guy wants to make progress in one direction, they just spin the idea and make him seem crazy. Obama wants to reform health care? He’s actually going to shove your grandparents in a gas chamber. That whole thing. Whatever. I get it. People want to discredit their opponents. Fair enough. But sometimes progress is crazy because it’s awesome. I just want to say this. I’m not really a conservative. I have no desire to get into politics or pay attention to that scene at all. I just want to say this. Don’t pretend that you don’t thoroughly want a moon base. Maybe the time frame is slightly optimistic. Maybe it’s not an idea that would provide value for its cost. But the one thing that makes me cautious about hugging Jules Verne is that rant in which he asks to see metal that flies. You know? Progress is crazy. We can build submarines. That’s pretty awesome. Someone will obviously design a moon base. It’s the sort of thing that’s going to be feasible at some point in the future. I don’t know whether it’ll ever happen, but someone will consider it. When you think about it, it’s actually a step below space stations. People already build those. Building a big mess in the middle of space? No problem. Building the same thing on ground? Why is that automatically more insane? No. Step off. Moon bases are fantastic.

Now. I’m not a Republican, and that probably means that I’m obligated to criticise Newt Gingrich for something. I’ll readily admit that I don’t really have a solid understanding of the political system. In the entertainment business, people often change their birth names to make themselves seem more attractive. Maybe it’s the opposite in politics. I don’t know why someone would change his name to Newt. Newt Gingrich. What’s wrong with Leroy McPherson? It sounds like a cowboy! Republicans love cowboys, don’t they? No. You had to name yourself after a slimy amphibian. For someone who wants to be the president, you don’t seem to want people to like you. What did you say when your kindergarten teacher asked the kids about their dream jobs? “I don’t care. I just want to be slimy. You know. Like a newt.” “Well, Leroy. I don’t know whether the newt business is entirely lucrative in these times, but you should consider politics.”

Update on Sunday, March 18, 2012 at 01:56PM by Jaymes Buckman

Bonus Question!

Best space station name? Astro Station Syncopation.