Heroes?

‘“Heroes”’? Are you joking? ‘"Heroes”’? Alright. Just . . . For a second. Whatever.

So. An individual who is quite close to me recommended a movie. I suspect that this recommendation might have been partially motivated by the heavy presence of Emma Watson, but I can’t be dealing with such idle speculation at this juncture. I’ll just say that a pig with a funny name isn’t going to help anyone. Probably. I don’t know. I mean . .  . Maybe you could sell it. If anyone could, it’d be you.

Anyway. You have these youths. Right? Apparently, they have great taste in music, but it goes beyond that. On some level, they are defined by it. It gets to the point of stopping during a party to point out the supposed surprise at the fact that good music is actually being played there. It seemed weird for them to mention that because of “Come on Eileen”, but that’s really just my thing. I suppose that it’s a decent song. I really wouldn’t know.

Whatever. Fine. That’s how taste works.

But this isn’t about taste. This is about . . .

How do you not know ‘“Heroes”’? I’m not saying this because I love David Bowie. The dude has recorded a lot of stuff, and a lot of people love him in many different ways. The classic rock aficionados have “Ziggy Stardust”. The serious artistic types have “Station to Station”. Even the soul types have stuff like “Young Americans”. Incidentally, I might be totally wrong with these assumptions, but I think that the point is still being expressed adequately. The guy has recorded heaps of diverse music, and each section reaches different people. He just released his first single in a decade, and I didn’t even listen to the whole thing. You know? That’s how it goes. And some stuff from any catalogue is going to be pretty obscure.

‘“Heroes”’ is not one of those. I’m pretty sure that ‘“Heroes”’ is basically his most famous song. He’s had all of these different phases that have been attended with various kinds of fame, but this is the one song that gets played everywhere without provocation. What’s the one David Bowie song that was selected for inclusion in Baz Luhrmann’s ode to the majesty of the 20th century’s music? Boom. ‘"Heroes”’.

These are a bunch of young dudes who let taste in a decent amount of mildly obscure music have a significant effect on their shared sense of identity. And I’m believing that they hear ‘“Heroes”’ for the first time in their final year of high school and take an entire school year to even get the name of the song? For one thing, they didn’t just hear it at some party. It was on the radio in their car. They couldn’t wait for five minutes to hear the name?

I realise that I’m being horribly hypocritical with all of this. When I was 14, the entirety of my modest social group believed that Jimmy Page was dead. I don’t even know how that happened. I don’t think that any particular member just brought it to the rest of us. It really just seemed like some fact that all of us knew independently. Some of these people barely even talked to each other. Whatever. This isn’t really about minuscule musical myths.

Maybe that was part of the point? Ignorant vanity of youth? All of that? I don’t know. I suppose that that works. I think that the movie was fair in parts. The first act felt like a generic high school comedy without the humour, but the fact that I’d spent an hour with those characters before interesting stuff started to happen made me care about them when it did. Compliments for that. Oh. The movie was “The Perks of Being a Wallflower”. This paragraph definitely could have gone at the beginning.

Update on Monday, January 14, 2013 at 12:55AM by Jaymes Buckman

Bonus Question!

Best Bowie costume? The one from "Jazzin' for Blue Jean".

To the Girl

To the girl who celebrated her birthday in the company of friends and inebriation.

There were a lot of things that were going on, and I wasn’t aware of all of them, nor did I have the wherewithal to address them in an efficient manner at the time. My ignorance of the date’s significance prevented me from giving you my regards for a happy birthday, and I just didn’t seem to have time to refute your claims of ugliness. No one should feel ugly on her birthday.

Actually, I’m going to take that right back. I believe in a healthy knowledge of one’s qualities, though one could say that I am not the greatest exemplar of self-awareness. Perhaps that shouldn’t go away on special occasions. If one is aware of an ugliness that exists within oneself, that awareness should be fairly consistent. An ugly person should definitely know that he’s ugly. But I suppose that that knowledge doesn’t always have to make itself known on an emotional level. Alright. Ugly people should probably know that they’re ugly, but they don’t have to feel ugly on their birthdays. No one does. I think that my original point is still intact.

The more important point is you, though. For that reason, you can probably ignore the last paragraph, but there are several other reasons for which that might not be ideal. The first one is the fact that it’s probably too late for that, though I suppose that I’m open to the idea of the existence of some variant of dyslexia that manifests in the tendency to automatically read alternate blocks of text. The second one is my vanity. You should totally read everything I write. It is awesome. I am fantastic.

But I believe that we were talking about you.

You are not ugly. No doubt. No equivocation. On this matter, I have no misunderstandings. I am more inclined to believe that the inverse is true. You are a beautiful entity. You are a shining monad wrought from what can only be assumed to be some variety of divine marble. I don’t know. I wasn’t there for the construction. I merely had the pleasure and luck of being there briefly on the anniversary.

Now, I’m not saying that you’re not allowed to feel ugly. On the contrary, it can often be a great pose. That’s fine. I’m just saying that your birthday is probably not the best time for it. I don’t even place a great importance on birthdays, but I do believe that self-deprecation can be neglected on these sorts of evenings. You’re the Beltane, baby.

Update on Thursday, January 3, 2013 at 05:15AM by Jaymes Buckman

Bonus Question!

Best silver? Stricken.

Ring Cycle

I saw "The Hobbit" recently. Great times. Man, I remember when the trilogy came out. I was in my elementary school's production of "The Hobbit" at the time.

I'm totally happy with the decision to spread it out over three films. When I like something, I just want more of it. An excess is never enough. However, the fact that the smallest book in the saga can elegantly be extended over three films just makes me think of opportunities that were missed by the truncation of the other movies. Obviously, the decompression of "The Hobbit" was just allowed because of Jackson's proven ability to make massively successful fantasy films. That wasn't really known a decade ago. 

But those were the books that would benefit most from this sort of treatment. A lengthy cycle of three films for each book? Totally awesome. Then you'd finally have time to throw Tom Bombadil in there! Because time constraints were clearly the reason for his absence in the movies. Tom Bombadil, man. Played by Peter Jackson. Apt! 

I don't really think that this exact scenario will come to pass, but that's mainly because the films were already made. Similar things definitely could, though. Most of the concluding books of successful sagas are split into two films now. That's become the norm. Beyond that, the whole deal with "The Avengers" is a very similar one. What's the count for that at this point? Five movies that were wrapped into one big one? It's rising. Lord Jackson's contract mentioned seven with room for expansion. I'm pretty sure that that's unique in western cinema. I don't think that anything outside of Shintaro Katsu's legendary engagement in the Zatoichi franchise can really beat Nick Fury for the longest run of an actor in a single role. 26, Mr Jackson. Get up there. I have faith. While we're on the subject of actors who never get tired of particular characters, I'd like to send my best wishes to Johnny Depp and his quest to make the highest possible number of Jack Sparrow movies. Do you remember those old Bing Crosby road movies? Those went on forever. I really love that approach. Do you think that that counts? Technically, each one had different characters. Anyway, it's a great way to do things. I'm still holding out for "Rush Hour 4". 

Update on Monday, December 31, 2012 at 01:14AM by Jaymes Buckman

Bonus Question!

Best ring? Any of the ones I've lost. I don't think that I'm meant to wear rings. After a year of wearing the only one I never lost, I discovered that it was made of lead. That's what the green stain on my finger meant! There might have been one other that I didn't lose, but it broke. Then I lost it.

Captions

Sometimes I turn captions on when I'm watching stuff on Netflix. This is partially because I like to do other things while I watch stuff. If I miss a line, I can just take a look at the script on the screen.

I've noticed something.

Usually, a caption will indicate the presence of music in a scene with a  simple phrase like "music playing". I'm pretty sure that I've even seen captions that just throw a few quarter ntoes up on the screen to indicate this. Occasionally, the actual song will be stated. I just can't imagine a purpose that would be adequately served by this. Is a person with congenital deafness going to know what Fatboy Slim's "Praise You" sounds like? He might be vaguely familiar with the general concept of music, but I'm skeptical about his abilities to differentiate between the thematical forces imparted upon a film by an alternative rock song and a dubstep track.

This practice might be slightly more helpful to an individual who lost his hearing at a later point in life, but I've got to think that it would mainly just be depressing for him. 

"Aw, man. I remember 'Praise You'. That was my jam in the Nineties! I remember the Nineties. Great times. Hot tunes were on the radio! 'Austin Powers' was in theatres! And I could hear stuff. Damn."

Update on Monday, December 24, 2012 at 12:32AM by Jaymes Buckman

Bonus Question!

Best subtitle? "The True Story of a "Most Objectionable Nazi" and... half-a-dozen Cats".

Money for Nothing (Nothing but Being Awesome!)

I wrote this one on Halloween. It's the only song I've ever written on a guitar, but I just realised that it sounds pretty awesome on the piano too. 

Alright. So. It’s Friday night, and I’m returning from a trip to the local falafel shop. Actually, there are restaurants in my area that could be more fitting bearers of the title “local falafel shop”, but sometimes vague notions compel me to travel across slightly greater distances for a sandwich. There are still a few blocks between my apartment and me, and I’m realising that I won’t actually have time to eat before I go to work.

At that moment, a man runs up and grabs me. A drunk man. Obviously.

“You’ve got to come back to my place.”

He says this to me in what could effectively be imagined in a crude Doc Brown style.

“Not now, man. I’ve got to get to work.”
“Why do you have to go to work?”
“I need money.”
“I have money.”

He pulls out a collection of bills.

“Oh?”
“Come back to my place.”
“What did you have in mind?”
“I’ll tell you when we get to my place.”

He gestures vaguely towards an apartment across from Spadina Station’s western entrance in a way that might not be meaningful at all. I give him my card because I believe in networking even in the most awkward situations. I’ve probably given my card to people who have openly expressed abject hatred for me. The glory of Jaymes Buckman shall be restricted to none. This is a core tenet of my ideology.

“Alright. I’m going to work.”

He gives me $10 and walks off in the direction of the indicated building as I continue on my own path.

“Come back to my place.”

Clearly, I don't.

In any case, I earned half of my night’s income by doing nothing. Actually, toss that. I got it by being awesome. That’s how we’re saying it.

Understand?